Cloud the Pirate
by Twilight Hikari
Summary: Twilight Hikari presents... CLOUD THE PIRATE! What it's about... Cap'n Cloud! And of course, his loyal crew of Sora, Riku, Luxord, and Xigbar. Complete and utter CRACKFIC. Really, do we write anything else?
1. Cloud the Pirate

A flag dramatically blew in the salty air. Pasted on the flag was a design recognizable to most as a heart with crossbones. And that's what it was.

"I'm Cap'n XIGBAR…….. DUUUUUUUUDE!" a cry came from the deck.

"NooooOOOOOOOO! I CAPTAIN THIS SHIP ALOOOOOOOOONE!!" A shriek came from inside the captain's cabin. The door burst open and a very mad man scrambled out onto the deck. He was mad. Real mad. But not in the British sense.

This very mad man had spiky blond hair and was wearing PIRATE CLOTHES! (May be judged by reader's discretion) He had blue eyes and wore a frilly pink ribbon on his arm.

"I do believe its red." the man interrupted the authoresses. The authoresses proceeded to ignore this complaint and continued writing.

"Can I be captain?!" A shrill voice rang out. A boy with spiky brown hair struggled to scoot down the mast. The authoresses then realized that a lot of character's hair can be described as "spiky". Oh my God. We mean _REALLY. _You could impale yourself on their hair. Jeez. Vlad Sora the Impaler much? …Well, that's a story for another day.

"NEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!" Cloud screamed. Did we mention that the very mad man was Cloud? Well, now we did. We're lazy like that.

"Can I be in charge of the rum, then? 'Cuz if you keep Luxord in charge of the rum, it'll all be gone soon." Sora pouted.

"You're not even old enough to drink. Why do you care?" asked Cap'n Xigbar.

"I'M OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK!!" a silver haired teen screamed from the crow's nest.

"No, Riku, ur lyke, nut. Oo" said Cloud.

"CLOOOOOOUD THE PIRATE!" a drunken cry rang out.

"Oh God, Luxord, please no…" Cloud whined.

"CLOUUUUUUD THE PIRATE!! CAN HE PILFER IT?! CLOOOOOOUD THE PIRATE!" Luxord drunkenly gurgled.

"Luxord, I'm to count to three and then you're gonna stop." Xigbar instructed.

"OOOOKeh!" Luxord mumbled.

"One."

"CLOUUUUUUUUUUUD THE PIRATE!" Luxord started again.

"Two."

"CAN HE PILFER IT?!"

"Three."

"Cloudthepirate…" Luxord quieted down.

"Good boy." Said Xigbar, grinning at the fact that he had mentally overpowered the drunken Brit. He turned around and began to walk away. Until an earsplitting scream erupted from Luxord's slouched over body.

"YEHEEESSSSS HEEEEEEEEEEE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" he sang, flailing his arms around in an indescribable pattern.

"Oh my God…" Cloud mumbled.

End of Chapter One. Yay. Oo this was so weird. We hadn't even planned to write this. It just kinda… Flopped drunkenly out of our brains. OH MY! OH GOSH!! Yeah… soooooo… Drunk jokes… w00t… We don't know when we'll update this again. It's just kinda to entertain you while we work at some of our more… Matured ideas? Yeah, matured. X3

Please review! Or something… Oo

Twilight Hikari

We don't own Kingdom Hearts. Or Final Fantasy. Or a pirate ship. But we wish we did. But pirate ships _are_ pretty expensive these days…

-Original Cloud is totally a PIRATE! Idea by Twilight Leopardess aka Kat aka Twilight. Most of the dumb stuff we did together, though.


	2. LOL MUFFINS

READING THIS FANFICTION:

READING THIS FANFICTION:

For best results, yell idiotically while reciting. Use stupid voices and repeat as desired.

"I WANNA BE A PIRATE WHEN I GROW UP!" Sora shrieked.

"You're already a pirate stupid." Xigbar growled.

"You can't be a good Cap'n if you call your crew stupid." Cloud yowled.

"You call us stupid all the time, Cloud." Whined Riku.

"Shut up. You're stupid." Cloud retorted without actually listening to Riku's complaint.

Suddenly, cannon fire was heard in the distance. The crew scurried onto the deck, and in the commotion, many people stepped on Luxord's slouched over body. (And by many people stepped on Luxord, we mean Sora stepped on Luxord. Only Sora.)

"OMG I am lyke sooooooooooo sorry Luxy! I stepped on yous!" Sora shrieked in terror at seemly dead body.

"OMG Lyks I furgive yous!" Luxord gurgled as he proceeded to glomp Sora's leg.

"Holy… It's ALIVE!" Riku screamed from the crow's nest.

"Riku, what the situation? What's going on?" Cloud demanded.

"What's the magic woooooooooooooooooooooooooooord??" Riku teased.

"Syringe." Cloud said bluntly "Now tell me what's goin' down in the hood?"

"What the other magic woooooooooord??" Riku questioned.

"Girl-scout cookies." Cloud yelled up.

"That's the magic _phraaaaaaaaase_." Riku shouted down.

"OKAY THAT'S IT! WE HAVE WAAAAAAAAAAAAY TOO MANY MAGIC THINGS. NO MORE MAGIC THINGS." Xigbar roared.

"No more magic?" Sora whimpered "B-but… I love magic."

"SHUT UP! I'M THE CAP'N AND I DECIDE WHETHER THERE'S MAGIC OR NOT!" Cloud screamed.

"So… is there magic??" Sora whispered hopefully.

"No. No there isn't." Cloud said flatly.

"NOOOOOOO!! EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeI'm gonna sue that magician…" Sora slurred.

"LEAVE MERLIN ALOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!" Riku cried from above.

And it was here the authoresses realized that they weren't interrupting enough. To compensate for this loss, they decided to say this:

LOL LOL LOL LOL MUFFIN MUFFIN MUFFIN MUFFIN

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I've got a shell on mah thumb. Oo

I've got a snail finger. :D

End of Chapter Twoooooo. This was so dumb… But it's fun to write!

Jeez… These chapters only take about a half hour to write… Oo w00t…

We might actually turn this into a full-fledged series. Huh. Oo

Please review! WE LOOOVE YOUUUUU!!

Twilight Hikari

We don't own Kingdom Hearts. Or Final Fantasy. And we don't have jobs either. Yep. Livin' off our parents here. We're late bloomers. –coughandfourteenuncough-

-Original Cloud is totally a PIRATE! Idea by Twilight Leopardess aka Kat aka Twilight. Most of the dumb stuff we did together, though.

LOL LOL LOL LOL MUFFIN MUFFIN MUFFIN MUFFIN

LOL LOL LOL LOL MUFFIN MUFFIN MUFFIN MUFFIN

LOL LOL LOL LOL MUFFIN MUFFIN MUFFIN MUFFIN

LOL LOL LOL LOL MUFFIN MUFFIN MUFFIN MUFFIN


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